Programs

The December Dilemma -- December 6, 2009

IFFP member Ian Spatz led the group in a perennial favorite how do we, as interfaith families, wrestle with the many conflicting values and demands placed on us during the holiday season?

Introduction

Ian opened the discussion by asking for a show of hands on a series of questions. His informal survey suggests that most IFFP members now have both a menorah and a Christmas tree, and that those numbers had not changed significantly since the families joined IFFP. Fewer families had a creche, but of those who do, several had begun setting out their creche since joining IFFP. More members have outdoor lights after joining.

Said one Jewish member, I've gone the other way. I just completely love Christmas.

One member said St. Francis originated the creche tradition, setting them up with live people and animals. This member said the creche means something to him because it actually celebrates the birth of Jesus.

On the topic of outdoor Christmas lights, one Jewish member admitted, I havent fully come out about the fact her family celebrates Christmas. So she cannot bring herself to put out the lights where her Jewish neighbors and family friends would see them.

One member asked for a show of hands or comments on how many people felt more spiritual this time of year.

Julia said in response that IFFP kids polled about their favorite part of the holidays said it was lighting the menorah and that time with their family.

She added that her own memory of growing up was that her father would put on plays, and their church did a full scale production of The Messiah, complete with orchestra. But they each got just one present and maybe an orange in their stocking. One member half-joked, Maybe we should bring that back.

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Ian asked the question, What assumptions do we make about our spouse's wants? and he suggested we need to communicate about these issues directly. One member responded the conversation comes up unplanned.

One member who grew up in an interfaith family said they would put up their ornaments in the back of the house but not the front. Now his family is developing its own traditions.

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One new Jewish member described the scene when they travel to her husband's family around Christmas. There is pressure to do something related to Christmas from the moment we get off the plane. I feel like Im in this play that I dont know the lines to.

Another Jewish member said it used to be that who we were at Christmas was defined by what we were not. But now it's different. She feels she can participate and be a part of, whether it's reading The Night Before Christmas or other traditions. Her family has a beautiful nativity set. She clarified she understands The Night Before Christmas is not religious, but it is one of the many things about Christmas -- religious or otherwise -- that, as a Jew, she was not a part of growing up.

Julia noted the misplaced emphasis on Santa, adding that in Holland Santa comes from Spain with four black elves who are his slaves.

This is the time of year when youre most obviously identified by the outside world.

We come from two different faith traditions, but we have the same theology.

Ian closed by encouraging members to talk to their spouses about these issues and by sharing his theory that Jews subconsciously find Christians to marry so they can get Christmas presents.